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Style over substance?

5/1/2007

4 Comments

 
Posted by Jon
I’ve been helping a proposal centre to pull together a style guide recently. The team’s writer (hi, Jen!) unearthed a quote that I love:​
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
Sam Brown
​Sadly, I’ve evaluated more than a few proposals that seem to taken that advice on board.

A few days later, Graham Ablett (one of our Strategic Proposals colleagues) pointed me to the wonderful website for the Hotel Foz do Iguacu in Brasil. It’s so bad that I had to resort to Google to make sure it’s not a spoof.

The introduction page (do watch the introduction!) is full of cool graphics effects; the layout is highly professional… it’s just that they seem to have run out of money after all the work with the designers to pay a competent translator.  Almost every page made me laugh aloud; my favourite runs as follows:
Our Business Center consist with one reserved room, equipped with the computer connected on the internet, telephone, fax machine and a specially project table for you to make your own work reunion. Here you didn’t stay disconnected of the world that are around you.
​Catch it now, before they rewrite it!
4 Comments
IM
3/26/2016 05:25:32 am

I couldn’t resist having a quick peek at the Hotel Foz do Iguacu site after your description, Jon. What rich rewards! It is truly as you say. Do you think that it is the inbred drive to edit that would attract proposal writers to view such wonders of enthusiastic mis-translation? Whoever was responsible had a very florid dictionary.

My favourite bit, on the “Presentation” tab, was: “…the largest hydroelectric mastermind and built by the man. Yours rivers, yours bridges bonded folks and cultures, your lake (the largest mirror of water diked of the world).” Then there was the part about “seduction”.

I’m still wiping away the tears of laughter, but was I was offended by substance? Not on this occasion but it might be difficult to know how to start editing it.

Reply
Jon
3/26/2016 05:25:42 am

Glad you enjoyed it… sounds like a parlour game for proposal people: “edit the Brazilian hotel website”. One for drunken folks to play at the next proposal conference, perhaps? Not that anyone gets drunk at proposal conferences. Honestly ;-)

Reply
IM
3/26/2016 05:25:52 am

Of course no one gets drunk, but you could test their gimlet powers of editing for clarity at staged intervals during the evening. I like the blog, by the way.

Reply
Ontario Emperor
3/26/2016 05:26:03 am

As of July 2, the business page has not been altered. Enjoy.

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    BJ Lownie and Jon Williams are the co-founders of Strategic Proposals.

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