Mixed Metaphors – Corrupted Clichés - The Proposal Guys Jon and BJ's proposal blog

Mixed Metaphors – Corrupted Clichés

6/13/2008

A few speed bumps I came across while reviewing proposals.The first one not only stopped me but had me thinking about it for quite a while. I was literally unable to continue reviewing the document due to my mind continually coming back to ponder this expression. Upon reflection, it (inadvertently I assume) combines several concepts and I find it actually expresses an even greater degree of difficulty than the original expression. See if you can find the three concepts I found within this one newly created expression. (Answers are provided below.) The expression within this document was, “There are no golden tickets.”

The second one was subtler but still caused me to trip while reading. The sentence read, “…when seen from this standpoint of view.” Not a big deal right? It stopped me. Would it have stopped you?

Then there was this one. “This is the solution we strongly suggest you go with.” Would you have let this ride or would you, as I did, have to mentally rewrite in order to move on: “This is the solution we recommend.”

* I think this writer has referenced and combined three concepts. The golden candy bar which entitles the bearer to inherit Willy Wonka’s factory, the E-Ticket required to ride the best rides at Disneyland way back when (before your time Jon) and the silver bullet that is the one sure way to stop a vampire.Posted by BJ

7 Comments

James Heaver

3/26/2016 03:34:23 am

The golden ticket is clumsy adn awful writing, but I think you’re wrong on this one.
In Willy Wonka, it was a golden ticket, not a golden chocolate bar. I’m not sure where you get the other two references from at all.

I’m absolutely with you on the other two sentances though. I think that the second one is bordering on unforgiveable.

BJ Lownie

3/26/2016 03:34:35 am

Indeed. Jon informed me that in fact a “Golden Ticket” was the “key” in the Willy Wonka movie.

But I decided to post this anyway and see what we’d get for a reaction and then respond if someone else knew this. ‘Cause my point is, as I wasn’t familiar enough with the movie, the reference was lost 0n me, as were my other two references on you (perhaps they were before your time…as they are a bit dated, especially the “E-ticket/Disneyland reference*.

*Any of you older folks out there recal when Disneyland did away with the “Lettered ride, punched ticket” system? And no fiar doing a search!

Connie Sanford

3/26/2016 03:34:47 am

BJ – I still have the ticket book from my first trip to DisneyWorld in 1975 – I’ll admit that I’m as old as you are! haha!

BJ Lownie

3/26/2016 03:34:59 am

Ok. So Connie can attest to and possible provide additional info regarding “E-ticket” rides.

(I was an East Coast kid [Long Island, NY] so the amusement park I recall is Coney Island. The ticket system there, I seem to recall, was a round card [on a string so it could be worn around the neck] that had x number of spots and a certain number of these were punched depending on the ride [the cooler the ride, the more punches. } Any New Yorkers or those who lived nearby recall the original tickets at Coney Island [circa late 50's early 60's]).

Barbara Esmedina

3/26/2016 03:35:09 am

1982. I am old and grew up in Southern California near the original disneyland. However, E Ticket has been a fairly standard reference for any unusual, top-level experience since the fifties.

Chris G

3/26/2016 03:35:19 am

Taking those three quotes in isolation it seems the author is calling the prospect an idiot – and not in a very subtle way either. Doesn’t really leave the prospect an opportunity to save face, does it?

Maybe our customers are expecting us to find them the “golden ticket” – something that gives them the key to what they really want. Telling them there is no such thing takes away that hope.

The “golden ticket” conversation could have been had at the very start, long before the RFP was released.

Bobbie O'Brien

3/26/2016 03:35:34 am

Grew up in north Jersey and had an aunt that lived in a nursing home right on the boardwalk at Coney Island. Summers (1955-1960 time frame) our mom would drag us to visit Aunt Rosie; we hung out on the beach and took turns going in to visit her. The only plus of that experience was wearing the “ride circles”. Who can ever forget the Cyclone? Best wooden roller coaster EVER!!! We always went (mom & my 2 sisters) with mom’s best friend and her two kids. I’ll never forget the one trip we made with no reverse in the car. Yikes, I’m having flashbacks!

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Articles by Topic

Authors

BJ Lownie and Jon Williams are the co-founders of Strategic Proposals.

SP News

Strategic Proposals News

RSS Feed