Posted by BJ
It seems that I can’t even read a magazine these days without hitting what I refer to as “speed bumps”. You know what I mean, those errors that, though not overtly corrupting the text, cause you to mentally stumble while reading. While reading the latest issue of Longboard Magazine, a periodical dedicated to surfers who prefer longer boards, I hit a few of these.
One example was within an ad for a surfboard which stated, and I quote, “It turns smooth and nose-rides ridiculously good.” Did that cause you to stumble? If not, I suggest you might want to take a refresher course in grammar.
I also stumbled when I came across a profile of a surfer which showed this individual as having been born April 13, 1983 and stated he was a freshman in high school. So either this guy is really slow or the date was meant to be 1993.
On the positive side, I also came across some excellent writing within this particular magazine. Again coming from an advertisement, I liked the way a particular ad had a closing statement for each paragraph. This ad, for the new Super Fish XL, should you have an interest, has statements such as, “You will kick yourself for not getting one sooner”, “You will love the speed and handling in turns” and “It really comes alive in small to medium waves”.
That same ad did some ghosting of the competition, that being shorter boards. It read,
It seems that I can’t even read a magazine these days without hitting what I refer to as “speed bumps”. You know what I mean, those errors that, though not overtly corrupting the text, cause you to mentally stumble while reading. While reading the latest issue of Longboard Magazine, a periodical dedicated to surfers who prefer longer boards, I hit a few of these.
One example was within an ad for a surfboard which stated, and I quote, “It turns smooth and nose-rides ridiculously good.” Did that cause you to stumble? If not, I suggest you might want to take a refresher course in grammar.
I also stumbled when I came across a profile of a surfer which showed this individual as having been born April 13, 1983 and stated he was a freshman in high school. So either this guy is really slow or the date was meant to be 1993.
On the positive side, I also came across some excellent writing within this particular magazine. Again coming from an advertisement, I liked the way a particular ad had a closing statement for each paragraph. This ad, for the new Super Fish XL, should you have an interest, has statements such as, “You will kick yourself for not getting one sooner”, “You will love the speed and handling in turns” and “It really comes alive in small to medium waves”.
That same ad did some ghosting of the competition, that being shorter boards. It read,
“Most people are waking up to the fact that they are riding boards that are too short or too thin for them. Smaller boards just don’t have the buoyancy needed to float the rider, making it hard to get the board up to speed and difficult to catch a wave.”
Good value and benefit statements, good counter to the alternative.
Have you come across a speed bump while reading something other than a proposal lately? We’d love to hear about it. We’d also like to hear about any examples of excellent writing that provides examples for us proposal folks to follow.
Have you come across a speed bump while reading something other than a proposal lately? We’d love to hear about it. We’d also like to hear about any examples of excellent writing that provides examples for us proposal folks to follow.