Posted by Jon under Musings | 
One of my course attendees told tale the other week of a pitch she’d given recently; a photograph of an attractive young woman adorned the slide describing the agenda for the presentation.
The client’s purchasing manager listened dutifully, then pointed at the screen and asked, “Does she work for your company?”
The presenter explained that she’d taken the image from a library of stock photos.
“Oh,” said the purchaser, evidently disappointed. “She’s really pretty. I was hoping you were going to tell me that she’d be our account manager if you won the business.”
You know, there are some deals you’re better off losing…
Posted by BJ under Musings |
Another incident aboard a plane (I must be traveling too much!) and an associated reminder for us proposal people.
Again this had to do with the flight attendant. This flight attendant was a fairly young (I’d guess under 30) woman who was very happy, smiling and up beat. Her whole persona was what I would expect of someone who was employed by Disney World and was absolutely thrilled to be there. I think you know the type. This woman practically gushed. It was fantastic to have us all on board. The weather was just amazing. She let us know the flight was going to be great fun. Her tone of voice and body language suggested the whole experience was going to be about as exciting as things could get and that we should join her in her excitement.
This would have been okay. However, this woman used this tone throughout the announcements. And there in lied the problem for me. As this woman was explaining what we needed to know “in the event of an emergency” she didn’t adjust her tone at all.
While explaining that “your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device” there was no sense of seriousness, concern or anything that demonstrated her capability or understanding. And as a passenger, that’s exactly what I want. I want to know that in the event of an emergency, the person responsible for ensuring my safety takes that responsibility very seriously. And in this case, the words she was saying – actually just reading – didn’t match the topic or situation. In fact, to use a favorite expression (which I think is attributed to Norm Crosby), this individual’s words and presentation were “diabolically opposed”.
This should act as a reminder to carefully consider both the words we use as well as the tone we present within our proposals. Are the words and tone “happy and light” while discussing a topic that is “serious and critical”?
Posted by Jon under Processes & best practice, Word play & writing |
Thanks to one of our friends, who runs the proposal team for a major financial institution, for emailing us an extract from a recent proposal, which she thought might entertain readers here. Names changed to protect the guilty!
“Practically we would see this working as XYZ initially offering all of your ABC business to us as cases come up for renewal and you seek new opportunities, however we know that in today’s dynamic and competitive market place we may not always be able to meet your’s and your clients needs so we believe the preferred partner status gives you the flexibility to work with us but also to benchmark other providers either on specific cases or specific classes of business where the clients demands and needs cannot be satisfied by our programme.”
Yes, folks, that’s 94 words. As I always say, if you read the sentence aloud and run out of breath, it’s way too long!
And here’s another gem we received recently, again reproduced with permission, this time from a bid to provide roadside breakdown assistance to car manufacturers:
“We have extensive experience in managing large-scale implementations and have accumulated huge learnings over the years. One key learning is that, despite the fact that we are engaged in an implementation, people will continue to to break down on the roads and require our assistance.”
A key learning? As the friend who sent us the quote commented, “Presumably, before the lightbulb moment, they were working on the assumption that breakdowns would cease to during the implementation.”
Posted by BJ under Word play & writing |
Many RFPs specify a word limit. And experienced writers will know that using less words is proportionately more difficult and typically takes more time than using more – the shorter the length of the piece, the more time it will take to create it.
I recently came across what I think is a great little exercise for developing your skills and practising developing content that is brief, interesting, complete and that holds together.
I found this while thumbing through “A Whole New Mind” (Daniel Pink, Riverhead Books, original © 2005). The exercise is called “Write a Mini Saga” and the task is to tell a story in 50 words or less. The story must have a title, a beginning, middle and an end.
So I’m posing the challenge to our readers. Tell us a proposal related story in 50 words or less. This can be something that took place on a recent effort, or the mini tale of how you’ve brought about a needed improvement, a quick peak into your world of proposals.
Jon and I will follow with our entries.
Posted by Jon under Word play & writing |
I’ve been doing a fair amount of peer reviewing lately: even the best proposal teams can find themselves getting too close to their content, and benefit from someone standing back and looking at their material through fresh eyes.
The same can be true in other walks of life. Take the soon-to-open Lebanese restaurant that I walked past recently on Piccadilly in London.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll steer well clear of a restaurant that sounds just a shade too close to the horrible disease, Ebola…
Then again, Vic, my wife, was even more surprised. See, Russian’s one of her native tongues. And “Ebla” apparently sounds precisely like that language’s crudest word for very, very naughty bedroom activities.
Posted by BJ under Musings |
I recently saw, “Only the Lonely”, a romantic comedy starring John Candy, original released in 1991. I had seen this movie when it first came out and enjoyed it as much upon the second viewing and highly recommend it.
In the film, John Candy plays the part of Danny, a Chicago cop. He uses, but never abuses, his position as a cop to engineer some great romantic moments, such as taking his girlfriend to a private picnic on Wrigley Field* for a picnic, complete with a fire works display. When Danny is able to make things happen because of his position he states, “Sometimes it’s good to be a cop.” This phrase is used several times in the movie.
When Danny encounters difficulties associated with his job he states, “Sometimes it’s hard to be a cop.” This line is also stated several times during the movie.
This got me thinking about our profession: What if Danny were a proposal professional? (yep, even while watching a movie I’m thinking proposals. Scary, I know.). What events would have Danny saying, “Sometimes it’s good to be a proposal professional.” And which would evoke a, “Sometimes it’s hard to a proposal professional.”
What aspects of the work or events that typically take place during a proposal effort make you glad you’re a proposal professional? Which ones make you wish you had stayed in law school or taken a job with the post office? Let us know and Jon and I will follow up with our comments.
